It’s now been three months since we lost our son.  I’m still processing everything and probably will be for some time. To say that it hurts is an understatement.  And what’s worse is that its not a hurt that has a “fix” that you can truly grasp…there is no “you’ll be back to normal in six weeks” healing process.  From what I’ve heard from others, it’s a long drawn out road that you go down that does get better over time but is always there to some extent.  My hope is that someday I can walk around without an emotional limp and use this experience for something positive.

Pulling and Jekyll and Hyde, the work side of life is doing great.  Business is booming, which is truly a blessing.  But there are times that my personal life makes it difficult to concentrate.  Life (and work) goes on with or without you, that is clear.  Luckily I have excellent help and understanding clients.

So that brings me to another milestone which is exciting.  July 1st marked the second anniversary of me being technically “unemployed” (for whatever reason self-employed equals unemployed…something to do with taxes which I’ll leave to my accountant).  To say that I’m happy to be able to say that I’ve “made it” would also be an understatement…I’m ecstatic.  So that is why I’m a bit emotionally conflicted at the moment.

While cleaning out the garage the other day I ran across my list of life goals from high school and the major items on the list has been checked off…graduate high school, graduate college, get married, have children and run my own business.  The only items left are to learn to water ski and grow old.  I’m working on the later.  We’ll see about the water skiing (snow skiing was a bad idea).  So I think it’s about time to create a new list of goals for the remainder of my life.  That’ll be good to think about what the future may hold.

Today I begin writing Volume 3 of my musings, now titled Never Picture Perfect and subtitled the musings of Brian Groce. The title is a nod to Rich Mullins and sums up most of my posts and my observations of life pretty well.

Also, let me note that this volume comes into existence due to extremely somber and heartbreaking circumstances. My wife and I lost and laid to rest our fourth child in the past week and a half. I am not ready to publicly share much more than that at this time, but as you read my blog from this point forward that knowledge will help make some things I’ll say make more sense.

That said, here’s the breakdown of my five and a half years of musings…

Volume 1: October 10th, 2002 – August 5th, 2006

• 578 Posts.
• Written after college during my first (and only) “real world” job.
• The last month of which was written after I was laid off.
• The births of my first two children occurred during in this period.
• My Age: 24-28.
• This volume has been archived and made private.

Volume 2: August 7th, 2006 – April 5th, 2008

• 214 Posts.
• Written during the period when Watershed Studio became my full-time job.
• Many new projects came into being during this period.
• The birth of my third child occurred during in this period.
• The birth and death of my fourth child occurred in this period.
• My Age: 28-30.
• This volume has been incorporated into Never Picture Perfect, at least for the time being.

Volume 3: April 12th, 2008 -

• This is where we are today.
• The tone will probably be slightly different as I make my way through dealing with the loss of my son. Don’t be surprised if I’m silent where I once was vocal. My perspective on life and what really matters in the grand scheme of things is changing…which of course will lead to similar, but different, musings.
• My Age: 30- .

Tonight is turning into another one of those mind and heart check nights.  One of those nights where I can’t keep my mind from wondering into “big picture” land.  As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I’m now officially in my thirties, so I just can’t seem to help myself from going there.

Anyway, what tripped it tonight was two things.   Andrew Peterson & the violent death of a former high school classmate.

(more…)

It only happens once every four years.  Sometimes not even then.  If you’re lucky enough to make it to eighty, you’ll only see nineteen or twenty of these in your lifetime.  Go, enjoy your extra day.

I’m personally taking the day off to get out of the “office” and I am instituting Leap Day as an official holiday for Watershed Studio.  (Yet another nice thing about running your own business.)  And for those of you who’ve not been to the Watershed site lately, we’ve given the site a much needed face lift.  Take a look and let me know what you think.

Well, I was in the midst of something tonight and missed the total lunar eclipse, but at least I was able to snap a few photos of the partial lunar eclipse. We have to wait for 34 months to see another one of these, so hopefully it will be clear that night as well.

And I missed the space shuttle landing too. I’m just not on it today.

Anyway, they better release some video footage of them shooting the satellite out of the sky…that might make up for it a little.